Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
