I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
