Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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