Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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