Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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