well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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