That's intense
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
