i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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