fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
