No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
