I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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