I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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