In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
