just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
