I love black thongs
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
