well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
