you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
