I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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