i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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