I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
