Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
