u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
