my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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