puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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