i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
