I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
