shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We need to rekindle our bromance
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize