I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just high enough for therapy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
