Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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