she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
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he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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