My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize