Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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