hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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