He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Randomize
