Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
