I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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