I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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