And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
