Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The best revenge is premature balding
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize