Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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