So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
