I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
