You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
