A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
