I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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