The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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