A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
