One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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