Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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