Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
