guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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