now i know why i became what i already was.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
