nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
