I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
