I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
