I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
