What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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