In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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