Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
