it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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