Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
