if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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