I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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