Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
